SideTracked
by Aiwen L
Summary: A crossover of Epic proportions.. I can't fit all of it here, so it's at the beginning of the chapter. Just remember.. We're not LOST.. we're just....Side Tracked.
1. Prolouge: The Wreck

A/N: Okay, this is a Lost parody co written by my pal, Jessy. We got bored, and paragraphed back and forth.. and it spriraled out of control. The celebrties here are a combination of all the characters they have played, or the persona's they've created, rather than themselves. I.E. Dom is both Charlie from Lost and Merry from LotR. If you don't know someone, no worries, because you can still read it.. It's pretty damned funny. The others?...

Who else.. Fangirls .

Please note that this is for entertainment purposes only and does not take place in our normal earth logic universe.. These people are more like strange duplicates than the actually celebrities. Also, the prolouge has a lot going on, it might be a bit hard to follow, so you can check back when chapter one comes out to see if you like it any better then, k?

David Bowie: Bowie: ((Jareth from Labryinth with a hint of Ziggy Stardust))

Indiana Jones: Indy

Steven Tyler: Tyler/ Steven ((from Aerosmith ...We needed a Rock Star persona around.. ))

Dominic Monaghan: Dom ((Charlie and Merry))

Billy Boyd: Billy ((Pippin.. but less Hobbit like))

Brendon Fraiser: Brendon (( From the Mummy ))

Hunter S. Thompson: Hunter ((Depp played him in Fear and Loathing, for those oblivious ))

(shared)Naomi Watts: Naomi ((Well, she's just kinda here, isn't she? ))

Kate Beckingsale: Kate(shared)

Kate Winslet: Rose ((We already had a kate.. ))

(shared)Jennifer Garnier: Jenn ((As from Daredevil and Alias))

Evangeline Lily: Evan ((You know, Kate from Lost))

Okay, now, we can begin. Enjoy.

Side Tracked

**Prologue**

Bowie woke to the sound of a heady yell, "JESUS CHRIST, MAN! What's going on!" The person seated next to him was clutching his hat and typewriter, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. The boat twisted from the lower deck.   
"I dunno, but I smell something burning, we better move outside." Bowie grabbed a small suitcase of his and sped up the stairs, the the man with the typewriter and orange glasses stumbling behind.  
Indiana stood up abruptly from the table before him at the sound of a rather loud crash. Money from the card game he was in on flew throughout the room.   
"Did anybody besides me hear that?" The two people across from him nodded almost simultaneously. He left through the dining room and went to the deck.  
Jennifer stumbled and nearly fell, as did Kate. They had been on their way to their cabins when the boat had tipped precariously. The creaking and groaning was disconcerting.  
"This can't be good, we should see what all of this is about.. " mumbled Jennifer. Kate nodded with steel resolve and they made their way to the recreation rooms.  
Billy looked over at Dom.  
" Should we follow him?"...  
"You go on, I'll catch up." Dom bent over to the ground and started to collect the money that had been left behind.  
Naomi ran into Kate and Jennifer. She too had been heading for the closest way to the top.  
"What's going on?"  
"I have no idea, " said Jennifer, " But it can't be good..."   
Steven poked his head out of the bay room, finding several people gathered on the stairs there.  
"Who did it? It wasn't me!" He looked back and forth before fully entering the hallway. "What did I miss?"  
Just then Bowie came through a door across the hallway, a sun-glassed man behind him brandishing a typewriter as his eyes darted.  
"Has anyone seen the captain?" Bowie asked.  
Brendon was at the top of the stairs, beating at the door that had locked all the passengers in.  
"Where's the key to this thing?"  
Indy was directly behind him.  
"What do you need a key for? Kick it open.."  
"Oh yeah," Brendon got them to back up some then gave the door a good kick, sending it off the weak hinges and over the railing out on the deck.  
Rose brushed past the man with the typewriter.  
"Not again.."  
Hunter grabbed the nearest neck in his free arm, which happened to be Indy's. He leaned into his ear and mumbled loudly.   
"This is truly the end, friend. The sharks will get us soon.. I accept responsibility for it all, man. Jesus.. I mean, I came on here to write about this voyage.. should've known, well.. Nixon would be pleased.. He got me in the end, you know, " he clutched that obscenely red typewriter close to him.  
Evan ran past everyone on the stairs and to the deck. Three of the crew followed shortly behind her, yelling ahead at her. She hadn't meant to jam the rudders, well yes she had, but still.Indy gently removed the man's hand,  
"Sharks will learn to fear me if it comes to battling them for the sea." He pushed Brendon out onto the deck, "Good job with the door."  
"Don't mention it.." Brendon roamed the decks now, looking for anything to do to keep the ship from wrecking.  
Bowie set out in a search for the captain as Steven waltzed around behind Indy.  
"This is wild... But I don't like it too much. " He said decidedly.  
Bowie found the wheel and the captain slumped over it.. He checked for a pulse---- none. Okay. Now, this, was quite reason enough to panic.  
Kate found herself following Brendon and Jennifer met up with Billy and Dom when she returned below deck.  
Hunter had half climbed some of the rigging and was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Life BOATS. Life BOOOAAATS! AND Life JACKKETS! And SHARK repellent! "

Dom stuffed the money into his pocket just as Jennifer had come in.  
"What's going on up there?"  
"We have no idea.. Have you seen any crew members around?"  
Rose came up to Bowie.  
"The captain?" She already knew what the answer would be, but wanted to hear it from someone else.

Evan was chased past the wheel where the captain had been, smiling the whole time. 'Murderer' was a good title for her, but she had only done it because she was half drunk at the time.

He nodded. "You don't think.. anyone knows how to drive a ship, do you?...We need spotlights. .I think these waves are coming back as revibrations.. There must be land near... " Bowie said hopefully.

"I saw some run through here chasing someone, but that's it." Dom wanted to go up and see what was going on. Jenn went back up toward the deck, and Billy began to make his way that way as well.  
Naomi went with Kate, following Brendon. She stopped all of a sudden and looked out ahead of them.  
"Do you see that?" She pointed at an island ahead of them.

Indy walked up where Bowie and Rose were.  
"Need a driver?"

Brendon tripped over a dome shaped object on its side, and accidently caused it to go bright. Turns out it was a spotlight, now it pointed directly at the island.

Hunter pointed toward the island.  
"Land ho! A chance for redempt--" the ship flew to the right and nearly through the crazed man off balance. Steven approached the rigging under him.  
"You can't stay up there! Lightning!"  
Hunter suddenly remembered something vastly important to him.  
"DAHH! THE SUITCASE, MAN, IT MUST BE SAVED!" He leapt down and deposited the typewriter into the large mouthed mans arm.

Bowie looked at Indy.  
"If you can get it to the island. I'm going to look for emergency supplies, they should be in the life boats" he looked at Rose. "Please come with me, I need the help. "  
Rose followed him as soon as Indy had taken control of the wheel. The lifeboats were half gone, the crew must've taken some and abandoned ship.  
Evan was knocked over by the crashing waves and overtaken by the three crew members. Soon, she found her hands cuffed behind her back, completely useless. But the sailors got the worst of it all, they were knocked overboard and met up with the propellers.

Indy went at the island at an angle, knowing it was the easiest way to get there.  
"Thanks, kid!" He yelled over at Brendon for providing him with a light.

"Take as much as you can carry of the first aid kits," Bowie suggested. Steven passed by.  
"So it's bad then?.. I'll go get water from the kitchen." Billy was in earshot

"Hey Dom, maybe we should get some food... "  
Hunter leapt into his cabin and found his suitcase and hugged it close before bounding and staggering back up the stairs yelling 'walk this way'.  
Brendon got up and fell back down because of the waves. He chose to stay this time until the ship made it to the island.  
Naomi overheard Bowie and went to help ready one of the lifeboats.  
Evan silently slipped aboard the first of two lifeboats, not able to do anything else for the time being.  
Dom felt his feet starting to burn. The engines had started to over heat.  
"Get back!" he shoved Billy away from the heat and jumped beside him just as flames shot up out of the floor. The ship now had a massive hole in it and was taking on water.

Rose loaded up the first boat to its capacity but made it to were there was still room for six people, Evan having taken up one of the numbers.

"Eeeeee!" Hunter yelled as his legs were drenched in a wave of water. "Impossible to walk in this!" He saw a lifeboat and threw the suitcase in it.  
Bowie screamed loudly, "Everyone get on board! We have to go now!"  
Hunter started to get on one, but then remembered the fedora-ed man controlling the boat.  
"Leave none behind!" He said as he set off for the wheel and told Indy that the boats were departing.  
Steven made it back to the boat with his arms full of water bottles and another first aid kits, he boarded the second lifeboat and helped Rose onto it as well, as Billy, Kate and Jennifer got on the first one.  
Dom hopped on the second, then helped Naomi on after him.

"Then you better get back to them," Indy said to Hunter, leaving the wheel. He went up to Brendon and took his hat off.  
"Here kid, but I better get it back." With that, he dove over the side of the ship and swam for the island that was not far off now.

"Kid? What are you, seven years older than me, I'm no kid.." he took the hat and took the last seat available on the first boat.

Hunter had always wanted to captain a ship, that one time in Mexico hardly counted, he decided..  
"Hell, I've lived 5 years more than I've needed. " He pulled a cattle prod from his pants leg and waved it at Brendon, "Get on the boat! Go on now!" After he left, he took to the wheel for a bit spinning it this way and that, before finally deciding it wasn't all that great and heading to the life boat just before it departed.  
Evan looked around at those on the first boat, smiling uncontrollably for the thrills. Dom was rather close to throwing up, but didn't as he wanted to outlast Billy. He helped paddle the second towards the shore.  
Billy noticed a gash on Jenn's leg and was helping tend it best he could.

Indy beat the boats to shore, but barely made it onto the beach before passing out.

Bowie looked over at Hunter, who was rowing enthusiastically with Steven whiles humming 'row row row your boat'. Naomi looked back to the ship and saw a third boat coming, filled with other passengers . She was helping to row the boat and it was coming very close to the shore.  
With the combined efforts of Steven and Hunter, the boat hit sand first and the passengers filed out accordingly.  
Rose helped pull the boat up the beach so it wouldn't wash away. The second boat pulled in right after them.  
Brendon stumbled off the boat and dropped the hat beside Indy.  
Hunter found both his typewriter and suitcase and plopped down on the beach, attempting to dry the machine and paper. Steven stood, talking to Bowie about the situation at hand and Billy stood by Dom and Kate as they watched faint sunlight showing in the distance.  
Dom had overcome his seasickness and watched the third boat pull in.  
"I sure hope somebody grabbed a deck of cards.." He said, looking towards the sinking ship.  
Bowie pulled out a map he had managed to save.  
"This doesn't look good.. there's no island anywhere near our route. "  
Steven looked around surprisedly.

"It's.. uncharted. We'll be here for a while then... "

NEXT TIME, ON SIDETRACKED:

Steven stopped. "I hear running water.. "

"Evangeline, right?" asked Bowie as he undid her bindings.

Chapter One

**"Who's in Charge Here?"**

Starring: _Bowie, Steven, Indy, Rose, Hunter, and Evan_

_A/N: Read and Review, read and review.. Or review even if you haven't read. Really, I don't mind. _


	2. Who's in Charge Here?

_**A/n: H**_**ere's to hoping this chapter is more enjoyable and easier to read, eh?**

Chapter One

**"Who's in Charge Here?"**

Starring: _Bowie, Steven, Indy, Rose, Hunter, and Evan_

Indy woke suddenly the very next morning, coughing up sea water. He put the fedora back on and stood up. Someone had started a fire, so he went over there to get warm.

Bowie stoked the fire as Steven brought dry driftwood from the shore. Hunter tapped away at his typewriter, which was sitting on his suitcase, and mumbling with a wet cigarette hanging un-lit from his lips.

Rose brought some food that from the boats up by the fire. She looked out by the shore and saw Evan pacing back and forth, hands behind her back for some reason.

Bowie looked at Indy as he approached the fire.  
"There's a first aid kit over there if you need one.. "

Steven looked around,  
"Hmm. We should probably either scout out the area or set up a camp after breakfast.. " Hunter glanced up through orange glasses and casually slid a stamp sized something under his tongue and made a squelching noise before going back to typing.

Evan paced further on for a while, then sat down and proceeded to get her hands back in front of her, succeeding after a few minutes.

Rose set the food down beside them, "Anybody know what's wrong with her?"

Hunter's fingers slowed.  
"The bats, probably. Damned animals.. " he looked around. "I bet there is grapefruit..We need some salt.." He got up and walked around the foliage near him.

Indy remained standing, staring at the jungle that wasn't fifteen yards from their fire.  
"So, who's in charge here?"

Bowie's lip twitched a bit.  
"Well that's not a big concern at the moment I don't think."

Steven crossed his arms casually,  
"I have to agree. More important now is water and shelter.." He picked up a biscuit, "Which I'm going to try to solve right now.. if anyone wants to join me. "

"It's more of a concern that it seems. Someone needs to say what we're going to do with the fugitive." Indy knew that must've been what Evan was doing, struggling to get free of whatever it was binding her hands together.

Rose looked at Steven,  
"I'll come. It would be good to set up shelter as soon as possible."

Steven smirked and gave her a wink, his personality fast returning from the nights scare.

Hunter returned behind Indy stealthily.  
"TIE 'ER TO A TREE!" He yelled randomly before sliding off again.

Bowie quirked a brow and looked at Evan.  
"Yes. That's assuredly a problem of some sort.. Someone should keep an eye on her though until we have somewhere to put her. ... Hmm. I'll check her for weapons I suppose."

"Take this," Indy passed him a knife. "You might need it." He then followed the tracks that Rose and Steven had made, wanting to get camp set up quickly.

Rose looked at the boats.  
"We could use those, could we not?"

Evan bit at the ropes the sailors had tied her hands with. The knots were tighter than they originally had been because of the salt water.  
Bowie came up behind her with the bowie knife hidden.  
"Need some help...?" he asked carefully.

Steven nodded, " The thing is we could use something rope-like to lash them together, and maybe we could salvage some canvas from the sails in the sea by the boat later... But I think a cave would be ideal.. besides, getting our bearings around here is a good idea.."

Hunter yelled in triumph as he saw a tree that bore a delicious looking fruit that he was pretty certain wasn't being hallucinated. He scaled the thing and prodded the branches with his cattle prod until it was barren, and he returned to his suitcase with his spoils.

Indy reached a protective hand up to the bullwhip at his side, not wanting it to get volunteered as rope.  
"Let's get some water and we can go explore the jungle then."

Rose nodded at Indy's words,  
"It would be better to break into the island from the start anyways."

Evan whirled around quickly and immediately played the part of innocence.  
"Yes. I don't know what happened last night, but I got blamed for it. Do you have a knife?"

Bowie smiled.  
"Do you?" he looked over her pockets for any suspiciously shaped item. "You don't seem capable of murder or mutiny, you.. seem kinda meek.. " he crossed his arms and sat down.

Steven nodded.. "Well. That way. .would be north, since the sun rose from there.. " he pointed.. " and rivers flow south.. so, I guess that means move inward.." he grabbed up a stick to help clear the thick brush.

Hunter flopped into the sand and tended the fire, his attention span rapidly failing as bats swooped and dove at him. He jumped around waving a cattle prod at them, wishing he had a flyswatter handy.

Indy picked up another stick, following Steven. Then he stopped and let Rose pass him so she would be in the middle.

Evan was about to argue, but caught his trick, "Exactly. Why would they assume I did anything? So, do you have a knife?"  
"Sorry, I don't... Pity none of the crew survived.. not.. even the mutinous one.." he bent done toward her, "lemme get those.." he began to untie her, but he also checked her very carefully for any weapons, while he had his own knife under his belt.

Soon Steven stopped. "I hear running water.. " he pointed in the direction is sounded and continued on.

Hunter threw a chunk of wood on the fire before bounding off into the jungle in the general direction the other three had headed.

Indy went ahead of them, coming out a not just a river, but a waterfall.  
"Well, there's your cave." He pointed to the darkened area behind the waterfall.Rose hardly expected something to show up this fast, but she was glad that it did.

Evan smiled, the meaning was secret. She couldn't believe it would be so easy to get out of trouble- and out of the binds.

Steven nodded. "This'll work good until we can build a sturdy shelter on the beach.. But I hope we don't have to stay here that long..."

"Evangeline, right?" asked Bowie as he undid her bindings.

Hunter caught up to the three in no time. He pulled two brown bottles from his khaki pockets that almost certainly did not previously contain water. He opened one..  
"Better rinse this out... before I put some water in.. " he took a whiff and reeled a bit, giving another high pitch squelching noise.."or.. maybe not.." he finished.

Indy turned to go back to the beach.  
"Well, better go tell them what we found." Then next part he said to himself, "and see what's going on with the fugitive."  
Rose filled up a few bottles that she had grabbed before they left.

"Uhh, yeah. How'd you know?" Evan started to look questioningly at him, the rope now on the ground before them.  
"I think I've heard you're name around...I'm David Bowie, Bowie for short.. ." he caught the fedora-ed man slinking into view from the side.

Steven scratched his head at Hunter before grinning at Rose.  
"Nice to see a prepared chick. What's say we head a bit further inland and follow this stream?"  
Hunter's body was reeling from the sunshine acid and the ether and he plopped himself halfway into the water and found himself longing for a tape recorder..

Indy came up to Bowie and took him aside.  
"We found a river and a cave inland a ways. What did you untie her for?"

"What's say we leave him here in the process?" Rose looked awkwardly down at Hunter, then started off again with Steven.

"She wasn't armed, and we've no where to put her anyway," he whispered. "Is the cave big enough for the others too?"

Steven nodded, "I think all three of us can agree on that... " He offered her his arm ." Ma'am?"

"It doesn't take a weapon to break a neck, or did you not notice how the captain was killed?" Indy hadn't spoken to her the entire trip, in fact he hadn't seen her at all on the ship.

Hunter knew he would have to socialize soon enough, and planned on doing that after his head got straight, and while he was getting twisted again.. Suddenly a scary thought went through his head. That suitcase... would not last forever.

"It's Rose." She answered as if he had asked for a name. "And you?" She took his arm and walked with him inland.

Bowie's lip twitched, "Well, that's why I'm going to watch her until we can think of something else to do with her, I recommend not allowing her in the cave at any rate, but I'd say she's not as big a threat as this island poses. "

"Ah, a rose is Rose.. Love is a thorn without a Rose." He quoted, "I'm Steven, demon of screamin' and dreamin'..."

"Now with the cave, we can set something up faster. I would advise not letting her go into the jungle alone or really anywhere off the beach until we find out what happened last night."

"Oh, so you're in a band," she suspected. The river soon disappeared from their sight and sound as they pressed on into the jungle.

Evan wasn't paying much attention to what they were saying. After rubbing the feeling back into her hands, she looked at Bowie and saw that he had lied. In the back of his belt lay a knife. She was tempted to just take it.  
Bowie felt eyes on him and swiftly turned around.  
"Evangeline, there's some food over by the fire, would you mind helping me keep it while the others are out?" he gave her a look of insistence.

"Yeah, a band.. Ha, music is the only really consistent thing in my life. What do you do..?Steven asked.

Indy left them and started going through the jungle, noting which trees had fruit and which ones would make good firewood or lumber.  
"Could you not get one of them to help you?" Evan looked at the others who had stayed around the boats for now.  
"You seem by far more _here_ than the others, and you haven't eaten. " This patient person was fast losing his patience under these circumstances.  
"You have a good point, I should go find some food." She enjoyed finding ways to avoid people and started to leave for the jungle, hungering for fruit of some sort.  
"Well, I'll go with you. You shouldn't be out there by yourself, little lady..." he easily caught up to her.

"..I go on cruises, guess this one will be the last one I go on. What band are you in?"

Evan turned around sharply. "First of all, I'm not little. Second, I'm not lady. And I'm sure I can take care of myself."  
Bowie crossed his arms, "Well, in that case all the more reason for you to have been a suspect in last nights events. " He pulled out the knife, " I strongly suggest you have a seat by the fire and behave."

"Ahh, Aerosmith.. " Steven paused as he eyed a suspicious looking clearing nearby.

With no other words but a right nice glare, Evan returned to the fire reluctantly and sat down beside it.

The clearing could not be described as much more than just an odd looking clearing that didn't belong there.

Indy had gone out alone long enough and finally returned to the beach. He saw Bowie and Evan at the fire, and from the way she was sulking, Bowie must be in charge.

**Next time on _Sidetracked_...**

"_A radio!"_

Jenn pulled out a black case and opened it. It contained a small Smith and Wesson._"This is an odd thing to have in an emergency kit.."_

**Chapter 2**

"**The Tape Recorder**"

starring: _Hunter, Dom, Billy, Kate, Jennifer, and Naomi_


End file.
